It's Cold Inside

I stood under the corner of the frayed awning as the rain tumbled down. Water had pooled near my right foot, and a small rivulet meandered aimlessly away from it. It was as directionless as I was. Minutes earlier she had told me she was in love with someone else. It was difficult to tell if she were truly upset, despite the minor theatrics. She likely was, at least to some degree. We had been together for four years. The spark that had drawn us together had long since been extinguished. Perhaps I should have seen it coming, but I did not. Maybe that was how little effort I had been putting into the relationship. In any event, I harbored no ill will toward her.

As a younger man I would have been overcome with envy. Her teary announcement would have triggered a fierce competition to win her heart. I was beyond that stage in my life, which is perhaps more the pity. Was it that I was empty inside, or simply that I took a more practical view of life? Was there a difference?

I was at a crossroad, where I had stood a number of times before. Despite feelings of uncertainty, and lingering feelings for her, I felt no sense of burden.

My years on earth had been sufficient to insulate me from her rejection, and yet were still few enough that I had many more to look forward to. While I had no sense of what the future might hold, I was somehow excited by that uncertainty. Perhaps someone else would rekindle the fire within.

With that, I flicked my cigarette into the water, just to see the ripples. I buttoned my jacket and started the walk into my future. I did stop, however, to glance up at her apartment and to wish her a silent goodbye.